It's Tough Being a Parent

So I’ve decided parenting is an emotional roller-coaster. I am so done with drama. I have never been a drama sort of girl. Hated it in Jr. High. Hated it more in High School But now it seems as though my life is filled with it, just on a different level.

There are days I cannot wait for Sean to grow up and get out of my house. I know it sounds horrible… but it’s because of times like these. Times in which I am so incredibly frustrated with the school system. Frustrated with people who want to give up on him or judge him. Frustrated with him as well.

This past week has not been very fun. For those that don’t know, our sweet boy has a couple of “issues” but hey, don’t we all? He’s bi-polar as well as has Aspergers (high functioning autism). Because of these two diagnosis’ he has some special circumstances he has to face in his day-to-day living. We, as Sean’s parents, are trying to do everything right by him. But let me tell you, it’s a very fine line between giving up and enabling him. Without being too prideful, I think we’re doing a pretty dang good job. And I only say this because of the strides we’ve seen him make since we’ve begun. So we must be doing something right! It’s just so hard when you know your child is doing good and your emotions want to play games with you because someone is telling you otherwise.

This last week he’s had a lot of challenges at school. He’s in a special program that has him “out” for only two classes during the day. The rest of the day he is in a small classroom of about 12-15 other children. He does fairly well in there and this is his first year there. Before this, he was primarily in a day-treatment school for three years with some transitioning to the high school (he was in the high school all last year, just some at the day treatment as well).

He’s done well. Very well we might add. So much so that the struggles he’s having now seem like nothing to us. In fact John and I are both tremendously proud of him and how he’s handling these struggles. The Vice Principal and his autism specialist are so proud of him. We’re so proud of him. So what’s the problem you ask? The new classroom/program he is in does not see it this way. They don’t want to deviate from their plans and their schedule and their discipline of him to praise him for these achievements. In fact today I got a phone call from a very frustrated individual pretty much telling me that my child was manipulating all of us and that he did not have a disability. I wanted to smack her.

How dare she tell me this? How dare she assume that’s what’s going on? I told her that every year after the semester switch he struggles until about April. She didn’t know that. So I told her if she’d actually read his file she might. I know my son. Yes he can be manipulative… but this was not what was going on. John and I would have been more prone to say that’s what was going on LAST year than this year. She said he doesn’t “act” autistic. Ummm hello, since when to kids on the autism spectrum fit in a freaking box??? Alas, she doesn’t believe me, she thinks I’m a whack-job parent (or at least that’s how I feel) and she’s convinced my child has the whole school system in the palm of his hands. Little does she realize the emotional struggles John and I have to deal with with Sean when he’s home and he shares what’s happened and his fear about school and failing and not getting to achieve his dreams. I was frustrated enough that after 20 minutes of being on the phone with her I had to end the conversation. After all, I seriously did want to smack her through my phone.

So why is it that people think they know what they’re talking about? Don’t get me wrong, I totally understand her frustration with him. I really do. John and I have a hard time understanding how Sean thinks half the time ourselves, so I don’t expect someone who’s known him for six months to truly understand. But what I do expect is that someone to listen to the parents. To listen to the autism specialist and Sean’s therapist. People who have been working with him for some time. To listen to the Vice Principal who deal with Sean all last year too and who is so proud of him. I expect staff at the school to know their student’s files. To know if their students are on an IEP and to FLIPPING FOLLOW IT. For crying-out-loud it’s a federally mandated requirement!! I expect staff to treat students with respect instead of just demanding it from the students and treating them like dirt. I am sick of staff attempting to use scare-tactics and power-struggles with him. I expect them to act like adults and be positive role-models for our kids. For all kids. Not just the ones who have “issues” and need a little bit of extra help.

John and I have dedicated our lives to making sure Sean has every tool possible to be a successful adult. However we understand it’s his choice to use those tools. But we will make sure he’s given a fair and appropriate education in the public school system as the law requires he is to receive. We will make sure he is treated equally and with respect. And more than anything we will always always always advocate for him when needed.

Goals I set for myself in Sept 2007

I thought it'd be fun to post the goals I'd set for myself in September 2007. Some of them are pretty silly... but when it came to weight loss, they were all very important to me. I'd started this journey at 288. It's still amazing to see pictures of myself at that weight and to think I ever got that large, and didn't even see it in myself.

1. Lose enough so I can travel & sight see. achieved 06/2009
2. Start an excercise program. achieved 06/02/08
3. Have my wedding ring sized smaller. achieved 04/2008
4. Shop at Victoria's Secret. achieved 10/27/08
5. Wear high heals. achieved 01/15/09 (comfortably!)
6. Cross my legs. achieved 07/13/08
7. Cross my legs and wrap my foot around my calf. achieved 08/2009
8. Buy all clothes at a regular store, not plus sized. achieved November 2008
9. Go skydiving.
10. Be able to tie my shoes and breathe at the same time. achieved 09/14/08
11. Weigh less than my husband. achieved 05/13/08
12. Have my chest be larger than my stomach. achieved 06/23/08 (it's officially 1/4 inch bigger!)
13. Sit in the Rose Garden seats comfortably. achieved 10/10/08
14. Use a public restroom comfortably. achieved 09/12/08
15. No longer take pain medication. (although I use this much less, I still have to use it... and probably always will)
16. Look down and see my feet. (I've decided my chest is in the way, and this is a good thing)
17. Join a softball league.
18. Wear a size 14 jeans. achieved 09/19/08
19. Run a mile.
20. Walk up three flights of stairs without being winded. achieved 09/24/08
21. Wear a size 9 jeans.
22. Run a 5K.
23. To no longer wear a necklace extender. achieved 07/16/08
24. Weigh 240. This puts me at only "obese". achieved 05/06/08 (weight 238.5)
25. Weigh 233. I haven't weighed this in over 7 years. achieved 05/20/08 (weight 232.0)
26. Weigh less than 200 lbs. achieved 09/09/08 (yea yea yea!!!)
27. Weigh 180. This puts me at only "overweight". achieved 01/20/09
28. Weigh 150. This puts me at "normal".
29. Acheive my goal weight of 140 lbs.
30. Run a marathon.
31. Play tennis with my son.
32. Paint my own toe nails. achieved 04/2009
33. Have my thighs not touch.
34. Buy a large sized shirt. achieved 10/04/08
35. To see my colar bones. achieved 08/22/08
36. To be able to buy clothes at COSTCO. achieved 09/27/08

Funny how some of them I still haven't met... some of them I'm not so sure I will. When I set these goals two and a half years ago I thought of myself a lot differently... in a way I think I could do a lot more things. Like the pain meds thing... I would LOVE to be off pain meds, but reality is I will be on them for life. It's just certainly nice to take them a lot less. Play tennis with my son... well, he doesn't play any more! LOL the last one that is kind of a dissapointment is the run a marathon. I really don't think this will happen. Which is okay. I don't think my bones and my fibromyalga will be able to handle it. But I am going to make myself do the 5k... even if it's only one time. Either way, it was kind of fun to go back and see how far I've come... to see how important some things are... to see how some things just won't happen at all... and how others really don't relate to how hard I work out or eat better... because some things will simply require plastic surgery now that I have all this excess "skin". Either way... I'm proud of myself.

Something that got me thinking

As a lot of you know I went on a little trip by myself last month for six days. It was wonderful going and visiting my family and friend. But while I was down there I did a lot of thinking and praying and in all honestly became more and more thankful for the place in which I live.

You know a lot of times I hear people come back from missions trips and talk about how “fortunate we are” to have what we have here in America. I believe that, I truly do. However, have you ever stopped to really ponder how fortunate you may have it here in America… versus other American’s?? Seriously. I’m not talking just about the monetary things, the income, homes, cars, family etc. I’m talking about what we have as Christians.

Being where I was made me so thankful to live in my town of Dallas, Oregon. I take for granted the small things… let’s start small here.

Wine. I love my wine. I love how I live in the valley and can go wine tasting on a weekend and easily hit three or four wineries in a ten mile radius. To be exact, there are eight wineries I know of in a ten mile radius of my home alone. What if I lived somewhere where this wasn’t the case? I honestly am not sure there are any wineries where I was.

Coffee. I love my coffee. Probably more than my wine lol. But seriously. In my tiny town alone of nearly 16,000 people I can hit six different coffee stands. Where I was, in the city of 83,000 people, there were seven coffee stands; and from what I hear the majority of them are yucky. Two of them are Starbucks. I have two Starbucks alone.

Christian Churches. I love my church family with a passion and don’t know what I’d do with out them. But it got me thinking about the time when we were “church shopping”. I remember going through the phone book looking for all the churches that would fall into Christian or Non-Denominational. In this city of 83,000 people there are about a half dozen church I would consider going to. The vast majority of churches in this city are not Christian churches.

Which leads me to my next category. Christian music. I have the blessing of turning on my radio and choosing for at least six radio stations (that I can think of!) that play straight Christian music. SIX! My friend says she knows of one down there; and it doesn’t come in very strong. I can rock out whenever I want and have a choice as to what station I want to listen to.

Christian bookstores. I saw one bookstore while I was on my visit. For some reason I almost cried. The bookstore was almost hidden. Granted it’s in an older part of town in which they are trying to “revive” but one. One lonely store. We have them in our malls. Across from our malls. No, we don’t have a lot. But again, we have choices.

I know coffee and wine are not big deals. I know they really have nothing to do with Christianity, but they do play into the main religion where I was at. They are big “no no’s” and therefore are not readily available to people as they are here. But seriously, I was thinking about this… about all the things I have that I should be thankful for… that I should be grateful for. Yes I am thankful I am an American and live in America. But I am also thankful to live in a town that allows Christian release time at our public schools. That allows plays that have a Christian under-tone. That allows Pastors to come and pray with the Jr. High and High School children and to lead Bible Studies. I’m thankful I live where there are so many youth who love to worship Christ and are not afraid to show it.

How sad to not have this luxury as we have it. How sad to live in a city where being a Christian is not embraced, and rather shunned? How sad that you wouldn’t have the choices that we have living where we live. It’s not just third world countries that don’t hear the Gospel. It’s some of our own towns and people and friends and families. It’s those we love and care for. It’s one of the main reasons I spent so long praying on my flight down there. I wanted desperately to show Christ’s love to people while I was there. To show them the true meaning of Christ and what He did for us. I just hope I did a good enough job and glorified Him in the process.